And just for the record, there's something plain wrong about Helen Keller being accused of plagiarism.
Also for the record, if you'd like to cite my blog in a paper, please make sure it's in AP style, thanks.
Today was my six-month regular teeth-cleaning at the dentist. Generally this is a good experience, although I've never really liked the gritty toothpaste they use on the whirring brush. Obviously it does the job, but getting the gritty toothpaste between your teeth is not pleasant. Today it occurred to me that the only flavors of toothpaste I've ever been offered are mint, cherry, and bubble gum. Clearly the makers of toothpaste for dentists' offices are not concerned with mixing up the flavors. If you're a celebrity, do you get more choices? Does Tom Hanks get to pick from flavors like mango and orange creamsicle? Another thing that has never changed about the dentist's office is that no matter how old you are they ask you what color toothbrush you'd like. Is this a big deal for people? Is there some 50-year old executive that's like "Oooh! Oooh! Gimme red!" I guess the color of the toothbrush could be important if you don't want the same color as your significant other. But who knows what color their significant other's toothbrush is? Who knows the color of their own toothbrush? If you said "I do," then the truth is not in you.
For the record, I was feeling like a blue toothbrush today. And mint toothpaste.
In the days leading up to today's dental check-up I faced the age-old dilemma of whether to "brush up" or just let it go. You know the question I'm sure. Do you make sure to brush your teeth extra well in the day or two before your dentist visit so that you look good, or do you say "screw it, my teeth are getting cleaned anyway" and just let it go? At the very least I'll brush well the day before and the day-of. But maybe this isn't logical. I mean, if my teeth are going to get cleaned the best they've been cleaned in six months, then why not get my money's worth? Maybe instead of brushing up I should grime up. That make's good sense, right? Right? Hey where are you going?
Since I go to the dentist's office straight from work I typically haven't brushed after lunch, so I just chew some gum. Right now I'm working on a pack of "5" gum. Flavor: Cobalt (aka "blue" flavor). Funny thing about 5 Cobalt gum - the flavor lasts too long! Crazy, I know. The readily accepted wisdom is that gum with longer-lasting flavor is better, but now I disagree. You see, people only think that way because they're used to their gum losing flavor really quickly. But with 5 Cobalt, it just keeps going! You may say "Then just spit it out when you're tired of it, moron." But I posit that there is some satisfaction in "chewing out the flavor" in gum. If you spit out your gum and it hasn't lost its flavor yet, it's like you haven't really done the job. For two days in a row at work now I've actually gotten mad at my gum. I'm buying Juicy Fruit next time, dammit.
The great barefoot adventure continues. There's some pain in my left knee right now that seems to have been caused by walking barefoot, so I'll have to monitor that. The feet are fine though. Did a couple more miles around campus the past few days with no issues, except for the other day when I looked behind me to discover I was leaving bloody red footprints on the sidewalk. Actually, that didn't happen. But it would have been AWESOME if it did. I always had this dream when running high school cross country that at some point, on a particularly rainy, muddy day, I'd slip going down a hill and then the runners behind me would run over my back in their spikes. Of course I'd get up, catch them, beat them across the line, and be a heroic figure in my tattered, bloody jersey. But the story doesn't end there! The best part would be years later, when at a party some guys would be comparing cool scars. Someone would be like "Here's where I slipped with a knife once!" And another guy would be like "Here's where I slipped in a creek and cut my leg on a rock!" And then I'd be like "Oh yea?! Check THIS OUT!!!!!" And I'd rip off my shirt to reveal my uber-awesome cross country spike-scarred back. That would be cool, right? Right? Hey where are you going?
For the record, I've never been to a party where people compare scars.
I hate you 5!